That time we found our superpower

Kelly and Leti discuss their ADHD superpowers: Leti's ability to recall information and Kelly's adaptability. They explore the challenges of managing ADHD without medication, including impulsivity and hyper-vigilance. Leti shares her experience of feeling compelled to help others and the negative reactions she received. Kelly talks about her background in customer service and how it influenced her people-pleasing tendencies. They emphasize the importance of creating structured routines and the impact of ADHD on their personal and professional lives. Both agree that while ADHD can have its benefits, it also requires continuous self-improvement and support.

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Hey, Kelly, Yeah Leti, what's your superpower? You Good morning. Good morning. Hello, hello, I can't see I'm going to take off my reading glasses? Oh, well, why don't you do that? Okay, that's better. Now I can't read my show notes. This is like, seriously life. So I don't need my show notes because I am mega recorder. What's your superpower? I'm a chameleon, not a you are the chameleon. I am the chameleon, actually, yes. Welcome to wth. ADHD, hi with Kelly and Letty. So we wanted to talk to you fellow ADHD ers who have superpowers. Kelly, why do you say I have a superpower of Lego recorder, because Letty you have this crazy ability to remember everything you see, read, hear, what are other things that can actually touch you your brain has the capacity to remember everything. And it it literally baffles me. It baffles me. It baffles me too, because I always feel like I have all this really weird information just bouncing around in my brain, and I'll hear someone say something, and that'll be like retrieving record 452.7 B, seriously, did you know blah blah blah blah, and then I sound like that person, or I'll talk to them about like, oh, you can fix that by blah, blah blah blah blah. Before I was medicated, was uncontrollable. I would spew in the middle of someone else's conversation? Yeah, you would people I yeah, I don't know. I'd want to just help I want to help everybody all the time. It's like a compulsion, right to save the world, like a recorder wants to save the world. And I couldn't inhibit myself from saying whatever it was that popped in, because I felt 100% that if I told that person this thing, it would fix their problem, and then they'd be so much happier. And it makes me happy to see people who are happy. And did it always work out? Well, I think people thought I was fucking rude sometimes, which I was, because I would cut off people's conversations. My Bucha, an ADHD thing, I can't help that either. For you, it's because you were you're gonna forget. For me, it's because I've already heard the conversation play out in my head before you finished it, and I have an answer for you, which isn't always correct, right? Because I don't have a crystal ball, but my brain is very apt at trying to predict things and patterns. Oh yeah, and I know it just cut people off. It was so rude, so bad and and that's something I actively worked on for several years. So I'm much better at inhibiting myself from speaking over people talking too fast, and from like, I'll make a decision now. Like, do they really need to know what chemical compounds compose Splenda and how that is now thought to you know, actually be very harmful to your DNA, and should I tell her, because she's putting four packets of Splenda in her coffee, that she's destroying her DNA right now? So I make so proud of you for not doing that actively for the most part, unless I'm not medicated or really tired, then, then I'll catch myself sometimes. Yeah, 5050, on that one. Ma, no, that's false. No, I don't think I need to lean on medication anymore because I did a lot of cognitive work. I think the fatigue makes it a lot more blurred flirty. I blurted out, and the chameleon. Why? Why are you the chameleon? Tell us about your superpower. Because I have this crazy knack to be able to adapt to any situation I'm in, and I have the ability to. To make everybody feel good around me in that situation, you do make me feel good. I do. I make a lot of people feel good, and when what's so interesting to me is that I have this ability to make people feel so good, and yet sometimes I feel so bad, which is so weird. It feels so bad. Well, I mean, just coming to terms with learning about my ADHD and why I did all that, and why I was like all that, but, I mean, I think it's still me and I'm still that person, but I do put on an extra air about me when I'm around people. So how is that different from, let's say, a neurotypical versus an ADHD person, like molding to the situation or trying to just make another person feel comfortable. Why do you think yours is kind of on the next level? I think because when I was younger, my my sisters and I, we would go on jobs with my dad. My dad was a videographer, and he would take pictures and video bar mitzvahs and weddings, and at that very young age, I had to learn customer service. What age? Oh, God, I started working for him when I was like 13, and my and then my all three, all three of us work for my dad. You know, 13 is a wonderful age, because you really love yourself and you know who you are, and you're not worried about what people think about you. So it's a good time to do that. Yeah, good time. So I had to, I learned customer service really quickly, because my dad was such a dick. Sometimes he knows it. I think our parents are humans. We're humans. I think human, but me and my sisters were the facilitators, calmers. We were the ones who write the situation when he would get frustrated. So we were the people pleasers, which is the natural they're overs, the smoother overs. And we made those situations perfect, by the way, perfect freaking kids to do that. Let me just circle back to your father. What exactly was it about your father's behavior that required smoothing? Oh, my God, he's general terms. He had no patience. So he was impatient live out at the smallest things in people who weren't around him. He'd have really big emotions, very big emotions and very small things. Did he have a good filter for what came out his mouth? Oh, God, no. How interesting. Interesting, very interesting. He was on the move. He was on the go. He needed to get it done, right? Oh yeah, how interesting. Okay, I'll let you ponder that for a second. So I will say that I think, well, maybe I can't speak for you. I can speak for myself, though I have had friends who whose primary job was to smooth things out with other people about my behavior, and I've had the same friends too, or people around me, but I feel like I smoothed out my parents behavior for others often as a child, right? But I didn't certainly see that I needed smoothing out as well, right? Isn't that interesting? Very interesting, right? And I think children you know who grow up with ADHD parents, which is a lot of them, because it is hereditary, do you gain that skill of being hyper vigilant? And I think you're kind of coming around to that superpower aspect of ADHD, where it can feel like it's a superpower, but in effect, it is hyper vigilance, where you're really in tune to your environment in one way or another. And I think your hyper vigilant falls. Hyper vigilance falls on people, people around you, yeah, whereas my hyper vigilance, which is mega recorder super power, falls on any stimulus, right? So it's not just people, which I'm hyper vigilant about. I'm watching people's posture, movement, yes, eye gaze, hair, nails, like I'm watching everything, but I'm also, at the same time looking at the crinkle and the curtain, the noise, any movement, it's hyper vigilance. And I'm just looking at everybody, seeing how I can talk to them. What's What am I gonna do? What am I gonna say to I don't know, make them love me. And let's unpack that. Move on. Ooh, I'm gonna just like, cling on to it. Let's unpack that a little bit. Here we go. Unpacking. It's really not hard for me to do. I don't, it's not hard. Let's, let's go to my favorite question. But why? Why do you do it? Because first. I was a constant people pleaser my whole life. Why? Because I was so insecure. Oh, okay, about everything and why? How do you become insecure? You grow up. But let's take that word insecurity. What does that word mean to you? I was, I don't know. I was just the kid who it's so hard to unpack, I'm trying to I'm gonna phrase it this way. What do you think would have happened in any of those instances? Let's take anything at 13 or whatever you might have thought. Did you take, for example, like, if they didn't like you, or if something happened, that X and X might happen was there, like some sort of thought that kind of ran in your mind, or scenario of a possibility? I think it was always a possibility of dread, I don't know. I just, was just dreading. I just, I always had issues with friends. I always had issues keeping friends and that that's something that also children have difficulty. Yeah, I got because we're impulsive, and I got made fun of a lot in middle school. I was horribly bullied, and that definitely was the bullying based on exterior, yeah, okay, and not in there. No. Well, let me ask you this like it was so, like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go back to that. So bullies often latch on to people who have a certain response to their bullying because it gives them what they need, right? Bully or wants a reaction. I didn't give any reaction, because your head down and try to scurry away, yeah, that, well, that partly made them feel really powerful, though, because they could have that power over you. So you did give them some kind of reaction. And I'm not saying you're supposed to do something else, right, but, but it did create this dynamic. And I do, like I would have big reactions for bullies, like when they put me in the trash can or something, like, I'd be like, screaming, and no, I'd have really big things. And so that got me bullied more because I gave them something, because then I was the idiot, right, right? They had every right to put me in the trash can, because clearly, I'm just crazy, whereas with you, you gave them a different kind of power, which was to control others by just even, you know, saying something now they scurry away see how powerful I am, and I have realized i for so long, I didn't know why they believed me. I honestly, they were my friends, not about you, right? Well, this is it so they they were my friends, and then they literally, like, turned on me, and I realized I had things that they wanted in my life. I had parents who loved me, right? There's I had a home. I had all of that, and that was a problem for them, right? And bullying is a very deep, deep, you know? It's a long time to figure that out. I mean, we don't have the skills to do that at 13. No, not at all. But I'm also wondering if your anxiety contributed to being so vigilant with people and having to kind of mold and making sure that they like you. 100% 100% that's like, I buy whole everything, everything, and I and it's so funny, because I would think about, I would think about how when I'm home with my family, they don't see the Kelly that's at work, the Kelly that's at work is cracking jokes and, like, fucking hilarious, right? Like, just a goddamn joy, just a goddamn joy. I'm funny at home, but I don't have to mask at home, and I can just be me and normal Kelly and not have to worry about that. I'm still funny. I still can crack a joke here and there, but work, Kelly and home. Kelly are two completely different people, and I think this is, you know, good point where we can bring in what we had talked about that, while this superpower sort of angle is is being talked about for, you know, autism or ADHD, because there's these skills that up here so superhuman to Some people, but they really stem from some of that dysregulation we experience, right? Exhausting. You're I'm exhausted when I get home. I don't know about you, but I'm not but they would be exhausted. I'm exhausted when I get home from work, because not only am I working, but I'm also keeping people happy, right? I'm more tired now than in my youth, sure, from other but that's typically if I have to really, like Pay Attention all day. But you know that hyper vigilance that I've always had has not been a superpower either, because I'm not necessarily paying attention. To the right thing, and it alters my course. So if I have to pay attention to a particular task by noticing the other thing, I'll focus on that. And I am a curious cat. So like, for example, I've been looking at your small wrinkle in a curtain. That's there, and then I might look into you know, how are wrinkles formed, right? And I've already looked that up before, so I understand like, of course, you can relax the fabric and get that out, but of course, of course, you have already looked that up. But those are the things, because then it sparks an interest, an idea, which can be good if it's, you know, harnessed and in the right way, but definitely in that if you have no idea that that's happening to you, I feel like that happens a lot to ADHD ers, I mean, my mind never stops, yes, and I, and truly, I never knew what that meant. But I don't think, I don't think anybody's mind really stops. I don't think that what we call neurotypical people sit there and go and just, like, not think about anything. I think we do. I mean, do you have, I mean, like, I have constant trains of thoughts, constant it never stops and it changes and it grows and it gets smaller, and it gets bigger, and then it changes, and then it turns into something else. And I'm just like exhausted after it well, there is a normal stream of consciousness that, I think is what that's referred to, where you're just kind of thinking. There's a flow of thoughts that go on and on and on, and sometimes it's a logical flow, and sometimes it's a less logical. You don't even know how you ended up thinking about daisies or whatever. I think that's normal. I think where it starts to diverge from that normal is when the thoughts are really rapid and you yourself lose that coherence. And not only that, you get so lost in your thoughts that it's it's now impacting the things you're trying to do or start or feel motivated to do or to take joy from. And so that is exhausting, because while that's going on in your mind, that rapidness you're you're trying to dampen it down to actually do what you want to do, maybe relax and enjoy a show, or fold the laundry, all those things, and you can't, because it's just too rapid. That's what happened to me, and that's why I got diagnosed with ADHD because I couldn't understand why I'm not laughing at you. I know. I mean, I'm really laughing too. Yeah, like I would when I wasn't working, why I couldn't do anything. I couldn't figure it out. I couldn't figure it out. I didn't get that because you tell me, like, I get in and I just like, get there before there's anyone else. No no when I wasn't working when you weren't working, when I'm working, when I was working, I was fine. I don't know why my brain heard that wrong. Yeah, no, when I'm working, I'm fine. I can do it all. It's when I stopped working, sat down and realized I needed to do laundry, realized I needed to do this, realized I needed to mail in my unemployment or my disability forms and couldn't do any of it. I literally couldn't. And that falls back to that difficulty with executive function of planning, and when we don't have artificial structures imposed upon us, like a bell schedule in school or our work schedule or project due dates. When we don't have those external motivators we lack, then intrinsic motivators to roll through those tasks. And I think that's why it's really important to create structures for yourself. And you know, I tend to get pretty allergic to that word on my own, because I always felt that where there were bells and schedules, I was always struggling to keep up with them right, and I wanted out, and I couldn't wait to leave school or work or whatever and then do what I wanted to do, but that was because those spaces required a lot of that modification and masking and things that were really difficult and exhausting and didn't work with me because I was indoors and they didn't really align with my skills that I enjoyed and could hyper focus and because I didn't have the right job either, right? But in the home, while we think it's really great to not have those structures, I think that paradigm needs to be shifted to where it's not a structure of institutionalization, where you have to abide by some sort of old timey colonization idea of what a school is and doing that at home, at home. Home. It's to create your flow. It's to create the space that gives you less anxiety. It's to create around you that feeling of home versus the feeling of tasks and things you haven't done. And I think that's where I finally shifted, because at first it seemed like tasks and requirements, right? Like you're supposed to have a need, right? And then I realized, no, it's actually nice to be in a house that's clean. Holy shit. I didn't I honestly, like, No, I never realized that. And I'm gonna, like, clarify on that clean, because I can clean the fuck out of my house like I can vacuum it, dusted all that stuff. And I think that organization is more important than the clean aspect. Well, you have to organize first to be able to clean. I know I can clean around clutter. I lift it up, I vacuum under it, I put it back down, I dust it. The beauty of ADHD and piles, right? So that organization and that that's, again, where we we really fall apart. We have these clutters in situ, clutter that just kind of stays there. That's not your cup or whatever you put down. It's that little pile of I'll deal with later, unknown or someone was coming over, and you clean up and make piles and, yeah, tuck it out of sight. Those bags that I used to make that live in closets and shitty places that you forget you had a person there, I found like, a purse in a bag with, like, my one of my favorite fountain pens or whatever. Couldn't even I'd been looking for that pen for like, six months, and I didn't remember, but I think that that's what changed for me. Oh yes, going changed my thinking of it. Instead of making it a task, I made it a reward, because I knew it was going to make me feel better to sit down after and I actually created, you know, a cleaning, a weekly cleaning thing, so that it didn't feel overwhelming. But I could vacuum on Tuesdays. I could dust on Wednesday. I'm shaking my head as she's saying all these things, I know, yeah, no, it, but it created such a great like flow for my home. And I know you've seen a difference in my home. I know you have a difference in my hair. It is like only because I'm home, but I can't do that even if I'm home. I don't know how, because you have too much going on outside of your home, because you're, you work a lot, but, but I'm a lot too, but I do think I couldn't do this. Well, it'll be interesting when I go back to work, if I can keep this level of No, because if I'm home, I will paint for 12 hours, or I will, like, build a garden. And, like, I can't I understand, no, I know that it's good for me, and I know that I should do those things, and I know how much I enjoy that sort of clarity of decluttering my spaces. But as I'm doing that task, an item will spark an impulsive thought, and then if I don't do it now, that's so funny, Claudia, and I then I have to do it. And so there I am. And you'll find me often, like in these like midway operations, at a home of Absolutely, absolutely. And I just read six books on something because, because I found this one section that was so appealing, or I've done a painting, or I've molded a flowers. So what lame that does nothing to do with my life in terms of making Claudio and I, but I felt really good, no, and Claudia and I, we yesterday, we sat down, and when he got up and we said, okay, let's plan out the day. It's Sunday. We both know we we had specific things we wanted to get achieved, completed in the house. Okay? So we verbalized what we wanted to get done. We took that list, narrowed it down to three things. I think there was five things on it. We said, Nope, not going to do five. We're going to do three. So to enabled us to be able to play once we're done with those things. So you're delaying gratification? Yeah, yeah, no, but let me tell you, though, no no, because now it's a good thing. Hold on hold. On hold. Do it. It wasn't delaying anything. It was because it was let me finish. We felt so good doing each task, so there was no delay in gratification, because we were gratified after but I don't doing each task, so we weren't delaying anything. And then when we got to play, we're like, Woohoo, let's have a cocktail. But you had the foresight for that sort of planning, whereas before we'd never would have right where as. I don't have the foresight of knowing how good it'll feel to actually. So let's start. We need to start working on that with you. I mean, I have, and I happen to know you, and I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit well. And the medication is something that has really helped with that 1,000% but I'm talking about, like, my general state. Yes, I'm unable to do that. And then, because my work is so structured, I mean literally, to the minutes, right? With patience. I have so many minutes to do things, and then those minutes are broken up into addressing goals that by the time I'm done with a highly structured day, I don't want any more structure. Yeah, I'm not saying that week comes around and the weekend, I'm just like, I don't want to do anything. And I understand that, and I feel the same way, but you need to start thinking and put a task, even if it's just one task on a Sunday, let yourself do nothing on a Saturday. And I have been since I've been medicated, because I do plan out my week now, and I tend to now include weekends, whereas before, I never included weekends, right? But it's only through medication. But the reason I'm bringing this up is because that term superpower gets thrown around about, you know, having these great abilities, and I think it leaves a lot of people out of that conversation, who have ADHD, who struggle and don't see any superpower, don't, don't see, don't seem to rake in any benefit. I don't think you see your superpower unless you're medicated. I think that's really hard to recognize. I think that term, I put that in quotes, right? Your, your, what is it? Neuro, divergent self, what is I'm not good with, uh, words, sure, that's that. What it is they don't know they're they don't know they have this issue. So they're not going to know that they could potentially fix that issue, which I feel like that's every single person with ADHD who's not diagnosed with ADHD. Yes. So the big part, I think, is if you're not diagnosed and you're unaware, you're you're living in a very chaotic, reactive state, and are really hard on yourself, probably about all the things that you're doing or not doing, and that's a really hard way to live, and it's completely unnecessary, because while maybe medication might not work for you for one reason or another, there's cognitive behavior therapy, there's other things there to be able to help you. There's a friendship you can form where you can get that help. Also, there's ways or partnerships. There's ways to you also have help get diagnosed or even just ask, right? And that might be difficult, because also admitting to yourself that there's something quote, unquote wrong with you is a difficult journey. Remember, I didn't have ADHD, I didn't think ADHD, and I certainly didn't have ADHD. No, no, I was just kind of precocious, and I was just a really cool girl that was just wacky. But, you know, I think for those ADHD ers who have managed to function, who have managed to thrive, and I feel like I'm thriving, you know? I think it's important for us to extend that compassion and kindness to those of us who are not thriving, who are in addition to having the ADHD neurodivergent are compounded by depression, crippling anxiety, bipolarism, schizophrenia, there's other things that when you pile on these other dysregulations and pathologies. I'm coming down off of my Lexapro because my anxiety is not as prevalent anymore. And I think we talked a little bit about that before we started recording how when you first start taking medication, it's working, working. And then there's this drop off, because you become unmotivated all of a sudden, even though it's been going so great. And then part of that experience is because you're not operating from an anxiety, stress emergency level that you used all your life to get things done with, right? Everything had to be on this emergency red alert level, right? And when you have medication, because you're able to be a little more proactive now you're like, Well, I got that done. I don't you just don't have that motivation going. So you have to kind of just write that out. Yes, you have to write it out. For those of you who feel like medication is not working for you, you know, really give it some. Time, and when you feel that motivation drop off, dig deep, examine why you don't feel motivated to do the task, or why you're feeling that all of a sudden you're kind of everywhere What, what's going on. And just do a little bit of reflection on that, and then have that conversation with your therapist. Because I, at one point I upped my medication because I thought it wasn't working for me finance, I upped to 30 milligrams. So interesting, and and then I it was like, too much for my body. Feel like, oh my god, I wouldn't know what to do, because I was finding myself like going into these episodes of like surfing the web and just like drifting off the work towards the end of the day. And I thought, oh, maybe it's just I've acclimated to it because it's stimulant. But then when I wanted the bigger one, I felt more jittery and up and something, it wasn't great. So I dropped back down to 20, which is, is fine. Now, I don't think you're supposed to always feel up and jittery, no, but it was just too much. I didn't need it. What I needed to do is actually put in a system for myself to not come off the task and open 20 tabs when I got fatigued. I was supposed to take a break. See, I was supposed to take a break. We're learning how to see, but that's what's so brilliant. I've been on like, hour seven of working non stop without a break or a lunch, yeah. And then I was, like, needed some kind of thing, dopamine fix. Why? So now I'm trying to build in breaks into work, which I've never done before. Oh, good. That's really good. It wasn't the medication. It was me. Apparently it's me. My me. ADHD, my husband always binges before he goes to bed. Binges. What food? Oh, so we're working on I'm like, Babe, clearly you're needing some kind of dopamine fix before you go to bed. He's just thirsty because he hasn't had any water all day. True, honestly, right? Oh, water. Water is a very big coffee is water. Do you know why I don't drink water? Why I don't like the taste. Okay, so why? Why don't you do but I put, let me explain. I don't like the taste of water either. I don't like the taste of certain waters. I don't like any water. I love certain waters, like Fiji waters, sweet. Yeah, I like Fiji water, tap water, or most water I don't like. I can't I'm hypersensitive. Yes, I'm kind of a super taster, yes, because all my freaking nerves are on all the time, and so I smell and taste all the things that are in water, and it just turns me off to it water, it tastes very different. But I installed a really good filter in my home recently, and it tastes water tastes great, and ice cubes are not taking liquid docs, but right, we get the water from the big I can't do that water either. I can't. I put a little bit of Crystal Light. No, don't put your chemicals in there. This is a 64 ounce bottle, don't I put two droppers, chemicals, two droppers needed. Oh, shut up. I need something, and I can drink 264, ounces anyway. So that's one of the reasons, other than forgetting that I don't drink water, but I'm, I'm a little better about it now. I like the bubbly waters with a hint of flavor. Yeah, those are good too. Those are good too. So he's binge eating. He's binge eating. And I'm like, Babe, we've got when you go to the when you go and open up, what is the thing called the refrigerator or the cabinets? Jesus, country. What are we open tree country? Okay, I need you to ask yourself, why you're doing this because I'm hungry. Okay, that's a great answer. Are you really hungry, though? Okay, because it's two o'clock in the morning, yes, and you're not hungry. Yes, I'm hungry. I need you to take one thing out of the pantry, like a giant bag of potato chips. Sure. If that's what you want, what I want all the time, fine, and shut the pantry door. No, that's don't go back steps. I know. No, I trust me. I absolutely get it, because he sits at the pantry and just stands in front of it and then eats right? Because never shuts the door, correct? Because when you get this overwhelming yes, hunger, nothing sounds good. So you try all the things. You try all the things. Nothing's filling the deep, deep hole. Exactly what I need him to do is to just grab one thing and shut the door. That the whole point of it is to shut the door. He never the door. That's the door. You shut the door. You. If he can start shutting the door, you should he can then stop himself and think about it for a second. Whether or not he goes back, that's up to him, right? And there's that ADHD Hallmark, the one second to think about it, right? It's that stopping. We're we have a unit, we're impulsive, and then we can stop. We can't switch tasks. Yes, yes. Yes. So that's the only thing I'm asking of him to try and do is to take one thing out of the wide evening. He can't stand himself there the door, because he has such a shitty work schedule, and right now it's so shitty, and he's like externals, what's going on inside? Oh, God, I can't speak for him. So what I posit, okay, rolling your eye, what do you see? Lady, what I posit is that he's already in the state, yes, of exhaustion and dysregulation absolutely has taken down his cognitive abilities to shift the tasks, yes. So he's there to kind of get that dopamine, yes, slash, channeling the stress and all this, yes. So what needs to be in place is not and get ready for bed, right? So there's just close the door is kind of saying you're fine, which is kind of not acknowledging, no, no, no, no, not by you. You're not telling, I'm not saying that. You're saying that, but it's not acknowledging the actual extent of what's going on. So I don't think he can do that. Yet. He can't, but by the time he's at the door, it's too late. So there needs to be a precursor or sort of, okay, okay, antecedent. I hear you. I hear you. There's something that happened before that's leading to something that has worked to fulfill that, to close that circuit, right? If you put in something in place prior to that, that can begin playing a video game, he looks at the clock, so already there right time to go to bed. So if you're gonna play a video game, maybe the snack is is there with the game, but you can't snack and play at the same time, but it's already there. It's taken out the portion. Okay, okay. Portion is already present. So So you incorporate a routine into an established routine, because it's more likely to be continued. So the routine currently is coming home, unwinding, relaxing. Whenever sit down, play your video game, get up because you're exhausted from having not blinked for 20 minutes just now and having all your dopamine resources exhausted and fulfilled. Now the next step in that routine is to go in the kitchen, get a snack, right? So you're gonna switch that routine. Have the snack bowl. Maybe what you do, Kelly is you put out a bowl with two or three snack size items before I go to bed, he makes the decision about the item, puts it in the bowl, puts the other ones away, or just leaves them the counter. Just leave it there. Or having maybe just two choices, I gave you too many, so two choices of a snack, a sweet or a salty, such a sweet. And even if he eats both, because they're already pre they're like a little packet, or whatever, and he takes them, puts them in his little bowl, and he comes and does his playing. And the routine that you add after that is when he's done. He does not return the bowl to the kitchen. He turns off the light when he's turning off the game, right? So you're keeping him out of that space that might trigger that post event. I was just trying to figure out, how did you write him a different dopamine fix? But that worked to get him to control himself versus alter the course? Well, I don't unders, I I'm not saying you're trying to control him. I'm trying. I'm saying that you're asking him to do something here, and he can't do Right, right? I don't understand how things work, and that's why you're here. I don't know how things work. I just read that line. Maybe, let's just change what you what you're doing in the kitchen. No, we need to change before the kitchen, right? So incorporate a new routine. We're gonna do that tonight, unless he's working tonight, try it out, and if that doesn't work again, then you're just kind of tweaking that routine around until you find something that works, and asking him to do that for five days straight and see how he feels. If he's more dysregulated from that, then maybe the picking or the idea of looking at abundance to feel good that he has worked so hard for this abundance. What does he need other than the food? What is that giving him? And maybe he needs some sort of other abundance to look at. I mean, honestly, it's two in the morning. He needs to go to bed. Yeah, you know what? I mean, he's it's two in the morning. He needs to go to bed, right? I get that too, but I do know that there needs to be this really nice wind down period. And video games are really stimulating. But what? So what Claudio does, right? But he, what can we build into his routine? That's not he has a long routine in the bedroom, so he does take time. He really, it's a matter of getting him in there after his gaming. Yeah, yeah. Because he takes time, because he, you know, really cleans his teeth. He might need, really, he might need to see that visually of what's next. So maybe, maybe there's a little thing for a week that just says, you know, snack, obtain snack, a game, start bedroom routine, so that he's like, Yeah, because, you know, if I think about grotz did all that, and now she doesn't have to do that anymore, it's instilled in her. I mean, Corey still roams in a, you know, before bed and tries to eat bread. And I'm just like, No, you're just tired. You need some writer, right, right? Because they're trying to channel their day. And I feel like that's like, what don't we all do that? We kind of are, like, to that level, though, like, I get really hungry at night. I get really hungry at night too, but not hungry like that, but like, need. I get needy, absolutely, like, a needy, sugary, something, something to make me feel good for a second. And then also, lately I feel like has been telling me that I've stayed up too long, like, if I've, if I've swung around to that next hunger, hunger that tells me that my body is gearing up for another hour and a half of awake. So I'm trying to, you know what carve out that I went when, when I needed to go get that medication for Gratz, for her thing. I went to CVS, got all the medication, snacks, checked out, and I was standing in line to check out, and I look at all the impulse items that they put over there for us. Here's the thing on the shelf. There was on the shelf. There was all these things on the shelf, yeah, and there was this one single bag that said, Kelly, you need me. Kelly, take me. And it was candy that I ate as a child. Oh, and I bought that bag of candy, and I was like dopamine fix, because I am literally dealing with a you ate some child, and Mama needs to feel better right now. Mama's gonna pop a few. You made some nostalgia. And it's so weird how I totally recognize that, and how I recognize how I use sugar or salt, for that matter, but I use sugar more to make me feel better, yeah, yeah, damn it. It was literally the first like I just was like, there was no stopping me. There's no stopping me. I used sugar yesterday to continue cleaning with my daughter in their room because we needed it. So I was like, lollipop, lollipop, and we had a lollipop, but that was okay, like, we didn't eat out of a bag, yeah, because we were doing a really hard task. Yes, and maybe I'm pairing it wrong and creating a really horrible circuit, because now they're gonna, like, need sugar for everything. That's, I don't know. I don't think that one event is going to do it, but I had to be cautious, not like, make that every time like, Oh, is it a hard task here? Have a lollipop. It'll got there 15. Well, at least they're older. I will say that ADHD ers actually need more sugar because we burn through more glucose in our brain from having all these movements that our body needs and rapid thoughts. And while they used to think it makes us hyper, it's this research really has been that it's the other way around. So it's not necessarily a bad thing, but I mean, sugar is not good for you, but it is. What next time on our episode about sugar, dispelling the myth of color. Number five, I love sugar. Yes, I do too. Sugar is great, but not good for you. So I think the takeaways here on our episode is one. It's not a superpower to have. ADHD, there is no superpower. No, I think everyone has their skills and has their areas that they need to work on. The key is to recognize where you are strong and to find jobs and occupations and hobbies that really help you excel using those skills, but to not get myopic and focus on that and really continue the work, where you still need to work on yourself. And it's it's a constant. If it the work keeps on going. It's being things. It's good work. It's good work. Things do get better, but it's you. Are always working, which I actually kind of like, yeah, and I think, you know, people should do that. That's part of our human experience, trying to make myself a little bit better and less stressed and less stressed. Yeah, I enjoy your life more by creating habits that work for you exactly because it gets to you. Too bad, we didn't figure this out. I know so many regrets, but then, you know, I wouldn't be where I am now, that's the thing. This is, this is where we're at, and that's all there. There's no Pastor tomorrow. It's just the second right now. Boop it's gone. Oh my god. Boop gone. Boop gone. Boop gone. Wow. Thank you for playing with us. Um, what the hell? ADHD, or heck, whichever one you want to do, stick with that and join us next time. We'll we'll post some stuff on our things. Take a look at our our socials and and, as usual, say, I'll add some show notes or some guidance and help in these areas as well for you some resources, fabulous. Bye. This has been a Hi. It's me. ADHD production.