That time we forgot that important thing

Kelly and Leti discuss their struggles with ADHD and perimenopause, focusing on forgetfulness, task avoidance, and prioritization. They share personal anecdotes about managing bills, using auto-pay systems, and the challenges of maintaining a work-life balance. Leti mentions her busy schedule due to speaking engagements and her role in the ADHD community. They talk about the impact of hormonal changes on their energy levels and creativity. They also explore strategies for staying on task, such as breaking tasks into smaller increments and using external motivators like podcast work. The conversation highlights the importance of self-awareness and system adjustments to manage ADHD symptoms effectively.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Recording Space Issues and Personal Challenges
• 4:14 Financial Struggles and Bill Paying
• 9:08 Strategies for Managing Bills and Tasks
• 9:56 Impact of ADHD on Task Management
• 10:13 Menopause and Its Effects on ADHD
• 10:32 Balancing Work and Personal Life
• 43:48 Building Intrinsic Motivators
• 44:02 Dealing with Distractions and Task Avoidance
• 44:32 Creating a Supportive Environment

Transcript

Unknown: 0:00

Hey, Kelly, yeah, Leti, remember the time we forgot that really important thing. You Hi, how are you? I'm so good. I love our take two of this morning. I love our take twos. Welcome to w, T, H, A, h, d, take two particular episode because we started recording and ran out of recording space because we forgot to look. We haven't looked at our little SIM disc. What is it called? SIM card, SIM card since we started, apparently, apparently, it runs out of space. What that's wild. Understand why you know what this is so perfect. It is forgot to do this very important thing, which was to check if we have enough space to record. Oh, story of our lives, forgetting to do things. Oh, okay, two things. And, you know, I've been having a really hard time this last couple of weeks with things, or this last month, I feel like I'm feeling that perimenopause, or just being able to focus and prioritize has been literally impossible for me, yeah, but let's just put it into account that you've been like, so flipping busy because you're so popular, and you're so popular because people want you to speak at their engagements. And you're, you're, you're actually becoming a figure in the ADHD community. So there's that I don't know you're, you're, you're starting, you're starting to, I am a figure. I don't know figure of what. And I have a figure round. I have, definitely, I have the menopause figure just out of now I feel like I'm back in my 20s, space where I just forgetting to do a lot and wanting to do a lot. So I have, like, this drive, which might be like the last little pushes of whatever estrogen and progesterone I have in my body, minority my brain is trying to seek, which is that lower dopamine, but I can't take more meds. I feel like it gets me, like, a little wonky, so I like where I'm at because I'm taking a very low dose, I just need a little bit, but maybe I need more. I don't know it's, it's, it's in that period where I'm gonna have to have a talk with my healthcare professional. So No, you need your estrogen and progesterone back. But yeah, yeah, that's so you're gonna do like me, and you're going to take a little pill that looks like a birth control pill. Oh, you know, I thought maybe in our 20s, we have so much extra, right? We're like, boom, a fresh new pack of estrogen, open boom. Fresh new pack of progesterone. Open boom, and some testosterone, boom. Like, everything is fresh, and so you have all this extra, and I think that that over availability, or over abundance of those hormones, also kind of It feels very much like what it feels now, just with less energy, where yes, I'm scattered Yes, yes, and and just, and adding that less energy really makes it even worse. Yes, because also in my mind, even though I have kind of less energy, in a way, I still am that very much, that 20 year old want to for two days straight and doo doo doo and doo doo doo doo, but yet understanding with my now was brain that I need sleep important to me, so I really try to get sleep, whereas before, that was never on my radar. But it's that same thing of forgetting important things, like, like, bills, yeah, like, still forgetting to pay bills. Still being the fee Queen auto pay. We're fee queens. I'm not Well, I I still pay fees. No, I have such a hard I have such a hard time paying my bills, because all my bills are always due at the beginning of the month. And change it. So I have to change. I you can. How do you change that? Go online. You change the billing date to be different, like my MX bills in the middle of the month, I pushed it over because I want, like, part of the stuff to pull in the beginning of the month, and part of the stuff to pull in the middle of the month, right, right? Yeah, you can change that stuff now. Oh, my God, hey, I still pay 25 I'm paying so many fees. I used to pay so many fees for. Fee, a fee, fee, yeah, a ton of fees. And when you have like, seven credit cards, oh, it's a$40 $45 fee, all the banks holy have bought their buy with my fee. Yes, my late fees. Yeah, tell me about your house. I would have had the most amazing house with my late fees, with the with all the counter with an island and everything and and under counter lighting, is that? What it's called under counter lighting? Yes, under counter lighting, need lights. I just want lighting in my kitchen now, disco lights, no, like, Yeah, I can't have that. Disco lights. No, I can't. It'll hurt my eyes, it'll hurt my head. Oh, it was so nice that house and the second house, the late fee fee house, The Late Late Fee house, yes, so many late late fees. And it was so hard to mail bills in my 20s because I wouldn't remember to have a stamp, or I couldn't find an envelope, and then once you like, stick it all together, or you ran out of checks, I would run out of checks all the time, and I take it took for, I'm sorry, young people, this is a very old person problem. This paper things you write numbers on that email back in the day, and then it would sit in my purse for like, December month and not mail it. Yeah, I think. But now everything's on auto pay, so I don't have to deal with that stuff. It's really good, unless I take it off of auto pay that one month because I wanted to pay extra and I forgot to there's that on auto pay. There's that I'm still, thankfully, our our bill, our actual amount of bills, yes, cut has come down significantly. So I only have it for my family, between me and my husband, probably a total of like seven bills, which I think is that's beautiful, bananas, right? Kelly, you know. And two of those are cars. One of that is no, sorry, one of that is cars, because one car is paid off and one is a mortgage, and then the rest are credit card fees. That's beautiful. That's really beautiful. But I still have a hard time with that. But I didn't know I could change the dates, that's why. So if I, when I change the dates, now maybe I won't have any fees. Yes, you could actually not have fee fees. I couldn't have extra fees on top of my fees. Yeah, and I feel like people who don't have ADHD have this really great ability to sort of keep track of these things and and not be distracted by whatever else like that priority, like once they set a priority, it just kind of stays up there as a priority, whereas, for me, prioritization is extremely difficult. Everything has hard weight until it's an emergency, because I forgot, right and and so I've gotten better with the strategies and systems I've put in place, but it's certainly not infallible, because if I didn't put it into that system to begin with, because I thought I would remember, then i It will not happen. I just love when I go to pay my fees, and I open up my phone, go to my, you know, bank account, and I have everything set up to pay from my bank account. But since I don't know what how much money I have at the time, I have to go and look at it. But then, oh shoot, I had an Instagram notification. Let me check out first. And for me it might not be that it might be an actual task avoidance. Well, this is what it is, because I go, I go, I have the intention of going into it, because I know I need to freaking do it. But then Ding, ding, ding, Oh, pretty square with the purple and the pink pops up, and my eyes like that a lot better than the chase emblem. Yeah. So I have a problem when I actually go to pay bills. Do you have a system of when you do it, or how you do it, or how you remind yourself, yeah, I only do it. So I I pay bills every Thursday, because that's when my husband gets paid, see, you know the days well, because I know he because I literally wait for him to get paid on Thursdays. I do it as a Thursday. I do better with numbers. So no, I'm a day girl, like every Thursday, I have my little mailbox in the kitchen where all our bills are. Today's Monday, okay? So I know it's Monday because I did things on the weekend and then the week has started. The days are hard for me. I'm good. Well, I don't I don't have anything going on. Remember, we're very different. I used to be a heavily working workaholic, and literally workaholic, heavily workaholic. Is that? How you say it? That's what I heard. Um, that's what I thought it was. But I don't have that anymore, so I have a hard time. It's so funny how when you're so busy and you're working 810, hour, 12 hour days, and I can still remember to do all those things I was supposed to do, and now that I haven't worked in years, have the flow when we're so working, we're so good at working, or an ADHD thing. ADHD for both, maybe it's both. Well, we were, yeah, I don't. Kids these days don't have the same I feel like they'll have the same work ethic as we did, but we were, I wouldn't say they don't have the same work ethic. I think their prioritization has shifted into more important things, well, work life balance, whereas it was, there was no work life balance. We just worked, worked, worked and worked and worked and I would, I really, I hope this generation can really figure out how to have a work life balance, because I think it will. It will definitely make their lives better, but I feel like we lost that when I was really like, I want to say maybe 1211, 12. I remember, like, my parents working. But then on the weekend, there'd be people over the house, and there'd be like, there would be actually weekends happening and things like that. But during the week, of course, there's nothing. It was just straight up work. And I just don't feel that. That is how it shifted. I feel like that work ethic popped in way too strong in the 90s. Oh, it was awful. And everyone lived for work. Yeah, it wasn't working for the weekend anymore. No, very much. The 80s, absolutely. My parent we didn't have that. My parents worked really hard all week, and the weekends were for relaxation, but they didn't have people over. We didn't do any of that. It was downtime, wasn't it? Big time downtime. Watch the movie, all this stuff, and maybe, maybe people still do that. I just, you don't, I don't either. I'm gonna try to, it's, it's again, that really busyness at the mind, and this is part of having all these extra neurons, or neuronal connections, right? It's not that we have necessarily way more neurons, but our neurons have these offshoots, these Association pathways, which for typical or neurotypical brains, rather, there's typically an axon and like a single or maybe a one offshoot, and it kind of goes linear in terms of connections, you have a thought, and it goes forward and forward. But for a neurodivergent mind, ours look more like trees in the middle of that axon, so we have all these other things that spring off of it. I'll give you an example, like if I say the word turkey, what do you think of thanksgiving and food and a turkey leg? Friends? Remember the episode the country, right? So depending on how many Association pathways you have for that, then you're going to be thinking of all these things, and that increases your processing time too. Because if you ask me about Turkey, I might be like, Well, is she asking about the country? Is she asking? Right? And then I'm going to delay in that response. I have more neurons available for the word turkey, whatever that is, right? You may have something like that that's similar with another thing, where you have a lot more Association pathways. So for us, it's very easy to get distracted, because a thing an envelope, doesn't necessarily just evoke envelope with a linear thing. You must put the thing in, put the stamp on, and this is what's next. That's sequencing. Because when I say envelope to you, do you have imagery? Do you have things that come up? I just see an envelope floating in the air. I don't know. I just see an envelope floating in the air. And this also demonstrates that difference in don't use envelopes really anymore, so I've lost whatever. Yeah, and I don't have your brain, so I can't really go around what area you might have way too many things available to you that cause distraction. So then I'll ask, what is the area you get most distracted in the task that you try to do that you get really like, off task. For me, if I don't have a list of how to clean, like we've talked about this, it's just saying you're going to clean the living room doesn't mean you're going to clean the living room for you. Maybe it's visual. Maybe when you look at something, like, if you look at your cup over there, that coffee cup. Does it make you think of things? Oh, it's my Harry Potter cup, and it makes me think of fun and universal and I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. Yeah, see, I wouldn't have really thought about those things at all. I would have been looking at that plastic spoon sticking out of there. Times, this is such good times with this. Mug, and I'm thinking, why does she have a plastic spoon in that cup instead of a regular spoon at home? Which makes me wonder, do you have a to go drawer full of plastic spoons and forks like I do, that I never use. So, right? So this right here, and I'm already somewhere else. You're already somewhere else, and it's very easy to get off track. Yes, I just hate that typical, here is the typical ADHD cleaning scenario or Kelly. Here we go, no for everyone I don't know. We can't talk for everyone you don't know. Let me tell you, I do. I but here's the thing, because every single person who has ADHD just let me talk. I need to clean the living room. So the first thing I do is clean the surfaces. Okay? And then you go to clean the surfaces, and you're like, Oh, my God, look at them. I Oh, you know what? I should put that up at that. I should go put that. I, you know what? That's that needs to be put into a drawer in the office. So then I take that thing and I go put it in the drawer in the office, relocated. Oh shit, this office is so dirty I have to clean the office too. So I better hurry up and clean the living room, so then I can come in and clean the office. I think this is something we've definitely like, something that everybody deals with and how you get so off track. So this is, for me, the same thing when I'm working on my computer, frustrating, because that whole world is kind of available. Why can't we just stay on one track? Why didn't you hit your notebook even harder? Well, because it's really just it makes me angry, because no matter how hard I try to not do it. It still happens. It does. So then what do you do? I guess I get frustrated with myself and attempt to put my myself back on task. And then certain things will happen, where, if I go to clean the bathroom, I bring everything into the bathroom, all the cleaning products I can't clean with you right now. I don't have the mind space, yeah, but the cleaning products just sit in the bathroom for two weeks because I got a high quality avoidance, and then I went somewhere else. But also, we run out of time. I have all the time in the world, well, no, because you have to stop at one point, because there's something else that needs to be done, right? And I run out of time for things all the time, and that's part of my timeline. This too, in that whole gaging of things. Well, I think for us, when you're well, for you, you're so busy all the time that you really want but I've never been not busy. I had that one summer like one, but then you all, but you also really, really, really try to feed your creative side too, and that's your fun side, and that's your happy side, you know, that feeds that energy, I think that has been dying with my estrogen also, I'm feeling much totally does, by the way, I have been feeling much less creative. Leticia, it's never too early to start estrogen, by the way, and progesterone. Well, I've been doing, I've been doing the cream, but I just think I need something much stronger at this point. And remember, I was doing the cream, and I'm on my, I'm finishing up my third month of pills, and I'm, I'm made you feel like a teenager and out of control. Well, you know, there was little tinglings that were happening that hadn't happened in a very long time. Where'd you get tinglings? I know that a lot of women, where is that? Where? Where is your tingling? Are you? We all know where my tingling was, but it's funny how it literally disappears. It's not funny how weird. It's so funny, so funny when all that disappears, but it's weird when it starts to come back and you start to have those feelings again, when you have not literally had them for so long, and I hadn't had them for so long because of my stupid autoimmune disease. So that also literally ripped every Whoa. Let's not use that word when we're talking about things, the tingling. I will say this. And even Dr Mary Claire says this, it's never too early to start. Yes, your estrogen and progesterone and definitely within combat menopause. I know that, yeah, but you're feeling it now. You're close. You're so close to actual menopause now that, because it won't stop. It will Oh, it's going to be such a joy when it stops, but it's never too late. And I really think you should think about that, but that's for another story. Another day it is and and I have this thing now, very much in this moment, where I want to talk about all these things, and then I can't pick No, I can't pick No, and that's what's really my perfectionism stream to streak where I want to pick like the one, the really good one, the really right one. Because I know that really prevents me from getting some of my tasks done too where, if I can't, if I don't feel like I can get it done the right way, right, I'll do all. Kinds of avoidance things until I have it in my brain and it's all ready to go. I don't have that problem because, remember, I don't do things the right way, and I just kind of do them at 70% if you've already I'm getting more okay with that. I feel like, I think, oh, my god, you guys, Letty is coming around to my 70% living No, I'm like a 95 I do think that that is a menopause and ADHD thing, that women just you lose your your flipping funness. I don't know you lose your I don't think I'm losing my funness, but there's your sense of numbness. Yes, yes. Yeah, sure, yeah, so the what's coming in feels less exciting is that that's it. Oh, my God. That makes me so sad. It's like a like, like cataracts for fun. Seriously, like, everything just feels no. Can you imagine like the millions and millions of women going through this, whether you have ADHD or not, right? And you're experiencing this, this dullness that is very imperceptible, coming on, yes, you don't realize it's happening to you, slow and and all of a sudden you're just kind of like, right? What happened? Where did I go? If, even if you know, you might not realize that either, like, you just might be doing normal things and not feeling the joy of life. Be realistic, though, nobody really and no one cares. Nobody cares a you're depressed and no, yeah, and have sleep apnea, and nobody really started, obviously, dealing with the stuff until, like, a year ago. It's been a little bit longer than that, but I've years in the last few years that it's really started to become a mind boggling that it is just within, like the last because women don't care, and that's fine. No, women care. The medical don't matter, is what I meant. Oh, that's what I meant. Women don't matter. We know words that fell out your mouth tested for women was tested on men. Correct? I think, now and within the last five years, testing has started with women, but those testings are going to take 20 years. Well, also values you need really large groups to be tested on. And let's just face it, this current climate is not about doing any kind of medical testing, especially none that's related. I can't talk about it. Yeah, we're not going to talk about that. But having this deficiency in estrogen and having ADHD, it's really compounded like triples and and quadruples your quadrillions, quadrillionizes, yes, that's the word, your ability in several different aspects of your life, and everything and everything and this task avoidance, distraction, getting distracted, I swear, feels like one of the biggest things for me. And it's expensive. I feel like expensive part of that ADHD tax that I've kind of been hearing about where, oh my god, ADHD tax it is we in life pay so much more for life. Oh, neurotypical, M, G, and I know you're supposed to adult. It's not that we don't know. Our brains just don't do it. It is not something I wish I this is not something I wish to do adult. Well, I don't wish to avoid. No, I think things, I like having things done. I like the feeling of completion. I like the feeling of being on top of it. It's not even that I don't want to or I'm lazy about it. No, if anything, it gives me a lot of anxiety, yes, and stress internally, knowing that every month there's a potential of me for getting something important. And it's not just bills, it could be anything, any appointment, anything like that. Now I am very thankful for some of the inventions of the future that we live in, that my 20s self didn't get text messages from doctor's offices saying I have an appointment. Yes, are genius. Yes, they're brilliant. Thank god, yes, because there's also, like, cancelation fees and for doctors offices and things you forget. Yes, are a lot of money so that I'm really grateful for, and I'm also grateful for some of the systems I have been able to put in place for these. And one of the systems is that self awareness. So right now, I'm talking to you about this, and part of the reason I can talk about it, it's because I stopped and looked at myself and said, What is this effort that you're doing? What's going on? And taking that minute to self reflect and say. Right? The systems I have in place right this minute are not working for me. There is something I need to change, because I'm feeling very stressed out by how I'm behaving in my day to day. So now I have to look at what I'm doing in a day to day. I'm going to have to be very present, and look at how my eight hours goes. And what is it? What are the things that are pulling me off task, or what are the things that are making me avoid a task or forget a task? And whatever system that is in place, I need to change it, and that's going to take me a week or so to adjust at least, but I need to change something. I can't just keep doing this over and over, and I feel like this is the gift of being older, that I can take that minute and look at myself where my 20s, I would have certainly never even considered that. So what would you say for me, since I don't I am not working, so I am home, and I find like, when there's a weekend where we have people coming over or something's happening, and, you know, we're always clean the house right before people come over, kind of ever, right? It's the greatest motivator. So we have a weekend where there's two, separate occasions. So you clean really hard for that first occasion, right? Clean hard. You clean hard for that first occasion. Then the second occasion comes up, and you look around you like, shoot, I gotta let's we gotta clean hard again. Let's clean hard, hard, right? So I clean hard twice in one weekend. I don't know why this is funny to me. I clean hard twice in one weekend, and then for the next three weeks, I can't fucking clean a thing well. And that is back to that all or nothing mindset, vacuum. I can't dust. You can't you spend a thing you've spent all your cleaning dopamine coins. How do you change that? Well, it's putting that amount of energy into smaller increments. Because you that is not how my freaking mind works, though. Well, it does. It's an all or nothing you practice, right? It's, it's a practice. You do the boom, big, all out, get it done. It feels good, immediate dopamine release. But it is also exhausting to clean like a maniac. It really, it's exhausting. And then you did it again, and your brain said you're not going to do that again for another three months. You're done. You are done. I swear to God, but that's what it did. So in this case, doing that incremental approach. You like lists. You like planning, yes, pushing out that list into smaller pieces, maybe isolating a section in the house and doing that only, and making sure that that is the only thing you do, right? It's same for me when I'm working and I have all these things that I have to attend to, the associations I'm part of, and things like that, I have to come off of all of them all at once, knocking out in a row, in a row, knocking on emails, doing all this stuff, I have to pull back and pick one thing and just focus on the one small thing and get that off my list. Yeah, but a small thing, I mean, yes, I'm so all or nothing is what gets us in trouble. Because it burns you out. It really burns you out. When I was working, I loved we we've talked about this like that wasn't my to do. Hit the ground running and all out. You were all out every day. Yeah, that's true. But I would look at my list of 20 things I'd find the easiest one to do first, and that's how I tackled the easiest one first, for sure. Tackle all the easy then get to the the middle, and then you get to the hard ones. And for me, completing that list every day was like a freaking reward. And planning is part of a task. I have to plan more to clean my house, which I don't tend to consider part of a task, typically, planning and no thing touches. I don't, you know, like, write an email, but you gotta send it. I don't think about the send part, you know, it's all about the upfront, which, I guess it's not a big email. This is kind of a dumb thing, but, um, but it's not when you send a ton of emails every day. It is a big thing. Yeah, the idea of, just like, you know, responding to emails, it sounds like a small task if I put it in that sentence, but then some of those emails require research or gathering of information, or they're asking for something. So then I go to my list of my somethings, and I realize I have all these things, and I'll forget even to respond to that email, because. Now I realized there's this other important thing, oh yeah, that I've forgotten to do. And then I get into this, this circle, and if you don't respond to an email, at least where, when I worked, every single email I got, I replied with a got it, and then, and then took my time responding to, and you run into the problem of that red email. So you need to do something on unread it, yeah, put a star. Add it to your task list. You gotta do something. But remember, I was the girl who could not have more than 15 things in my inbox, so I never asked me how many emails it'll give me agita at work, 4000 at work. I wouldn't allow more than 1520, emails in my inbox because it overwhelmed me. I can't even begin to clean up my email box because I'm so overwhelmed by the number of things in it already. Yeah. And also I worry, am I going to need that email later? And I feel like there's definitely two schools of thought on this. Some people live with very small number of emails, and some people live with the giant, you know, 20 gigabyte, whatever, storage space of emails. And I'm one of those people who are constantly anxious about not, you know, but not having an email if I need it. For some reason, I don't know. I don't care about emails. I do. I have so many emails in my personal inbox because that is where all your bullshit promotion it's getting rid of all those promotional emails that that, for me, is a lot easier, because I just know I'll never read them. And I've been unsubscribing from those, and I've been un Well, yeah, tell me what. What have you been doing, subscribing from those as well. But that takes forever, and then I feel like they don't even do and I'm tired. And I was doing that because I was looking for something to begin with, and now I've got off task, because here I am deleting the fifth page of ads. Yeah, right, yeah. There it is. Again, that sidetrack. Oh, my God, everything has a side track. It does. I do neuro tracks have side tracks. Do neuro like this is what I It baffles me. How do they not get sidetracked? Are there really neuro typical people out there? Yes, I don't. I don't think, well, yes, that is, and part of that is, the reason you don't think so is because we form bubbles of neurodivergent people in our circles. I don't know if I have any neuro I don't, how do I even I don't even know how to say this. Do I even know had ever thought about it? Do I have neuro typical friends, I have to, because I haven't. I don't diagnose people, so I don't know on ADHD, but I'm trying to, it's really hard for neurodivergent people to have that relationship. It has to be a very long standing relationship, I feel like, because you you mask all the time, and that's exhausting, and you don't want to mask so you don't want to hang out with the person you have to mask with all the time. It doesn't feel authentic. It feels shallow if you can't be yourself. I don't think Nicole has ADHD. Are we naming people now? Sorry, Nicole, no, but she seems to be my constant what's my constant star? My constant friend? Well, she's my constant friend because I've been friends with her for 30 years. That may be too is, if you have my Wait, but she's my devil's advocate friend. She always tells me like it is, so that I when I create these stories in my head, she's like, No, this is this is how it is. So she's always my voice of reason well, and those relationships are also really great, yeah, but I feel like sometimes neurotypical people don't have as much space available for all the FTE of stuff that neurodivergent people have streaming all the time. But I did say to her, once I got diagnosed with ADHD, and I told her all my stupid ADHD fears, she's like, Oh my god, Kelly, I don't hate you. No, Kelly, I don't think any of that stuff about you. I had that fear of friends always hating me, kind of a thing. And Kelly, like, what stop? So I'm not saying that you can and that people don't. I'm just saying it could be harder. It depends on the history in that friendship of how that's been a long time, and we've been through a lot together. So yes, to to answer your question, yes, there are people out there who don't have this struggle. Can someone please write in who listens to this and tell us about that they're not struggling. They're not listening to this. They're not struggling or but if they have friends who aren't like that, I want to talk to a neuro typical person, Letty, how do we talk? What are you gonna How do I talk in. Neurotypical? Can we have a neurotypical person on our podcast to throw these wild things that we go through and see what they do at the same time in that same situation? I think that's a good approach. How do you find that person? Can someone all points for a neurotypical person who wants to hang with APB, ADHD, middle aged neuro how to get your shit together. Anyone out there like that? Hello, hello. Like this alone would scare them away. Can we just talk to you for a little bit? Can we talk to you about your car's extended warranty? Oh, you don't have that. No, you don't get called every day for that. Oh, my God, the calls have been why? Right now, I'm getting three calls a day about the loan I've been approved for, and I get the top texts I shoot you not though. I block every single one, and I get three new ones a day, and I block those, and then I get three new ones a day and I block those. That's because it's computers doing it. Those computers suck. Those computers do suck because it's not fair law of averages. You know, for a million phone calls, they'll get one poor, unsuspecting grandma be like, Oh yes, dear. But they've been approving me for this loan for the last congratulations. Four months. Congratulations, please. I haven't responded yet. I don't want it like seriously, Kyle from loan wherever. Kyle from loan whenever. Just go away. Kyle, please. Oh, my God, that's another that's like, for a whole other story. I don't, I don't like phone calls. Let's not talk about them. Text me. I have written on here. Oh, dates. Dates important dates. Dates are hard for me personally, but dates for other people, really easy. My kid every date she needs to do something, bam, boom, they're done. Husband, every date, damn, boom, bam. Done dogs, every appointment for my dogs, done. Kelly. And that's that prioritization problem, right? I'm the same way. I've really prioritized, and if it's there, that prior decision is in place, then I can do it, but I won't prioritize myself. No, no. And I do think, though, no, you were like, adamant you're gonna beat me up. Is looking you up because I don't do my dates. I think, shit. I just lost my train of thought. I was just gonna say something good. I'm sure it was so good, shit, yeah, there it is. Oh, my God, dates. I i can see the whole calendar and the year and everything in my face, not lie in my face, in my brain. Oh, my God. So I have this really great visualization of space and time. I can look back in the calendar and know that I was born on a Monday, like there's this really weird stuff that happens for the past, and I can kind of do that for the future when picking these but not associated to a task. Those are much harder for me. Yeah, like planning, you know, understand fun, weekend events. Sure I can, I I might forget fun too. I don't, I don't know it's I don't forget fun. I definitely don't forget fun, but the things that I have to do, and I think maybe that's also, like probably a menopause perimenopause thing in losing your estrogen and crap like that. You you lose you dull yourself. So then all that other stuff gets sold. Dull yourself. You know, you become so blah. You're blah, yeah, blah, blah. I will say this year I had made a priority in including more fun, a little excursions on weekends. And that has been very helpful in not having that week of work blend into another week of work, into another week of work. That has been a really great strategy that I'm hoping to keep going, and it's it's making a difference in terms of having a little time to reflect right where I could recognize that this stuff is happening to me, and I don't think I would have the space for that if I didn't allow a little bit of that space. That's important. I'm. Well, I guess trying to find that then, because my days all blend in together. Yeah, you don't have any points or points of importance, although working on the podcast has given me this great sense of doing a task and really completing it and feeling rewarded by it. So that external reinforcer those are easy for us. I haven't had that in so long, so I find that fun, and I do need to find other things like that to counterbalance the hard stuff that come during the day. There should be more fun involved, and you can do that little sprinkling in the day too, right? It doesn't have to be at the end of the week. So what is your little fun point matter? For me, it doesn't matter. And what's the fun point in your day? Do you have a fun point in the day? If it's the day I'm working on the podcast, then that's That's it. One day I know. I don't know what to tell you. That's a sad rest of the days of the week. They're very low. That's why I'm trying to find I have found other things, my own personal things that I'm working on, but I don't have this urgency for it. So I don't external motivator, because we've had this. Don't have a motivator for the podcast and putting it out, and we have dates and yada yada. I don't have any external motivator for that, so it makes me go in this. We're supposed to build intrinsic stuff up, and I can do all this, and then three days I for three days, I don't do anything. We're supposed to build internal or intrinsic motivators as well. Because if we're relying on external motivators all the time, when that doesn't come, then we don't get to experience that joy or the push and things like that. And ever since I stopped working, that's how it's been for me. Well, that sounds hard, it is, but there was other stuff going on that I had to deal with during the first few years of that, which you made space for by not working, correct? I couldn't work so and I still can't work. It's not like I can go back to work. I cannot go back to work. It is not well, at least not to the level, right, right? But I can create other work, but I can't seem to get that going on a regular basis, because there is no external. I don't have an internal or an external. What's the word motivator? Yeah, none. I have neither. So it's just when it pops into my head and I get really excited and I'm looking at something on Instagram, going, oh my god, that would be so great for what I want to do, and Instagram should not be the thing that drives your motivation train. No should be. So then thinking about this, you know, as as we kind of end our podcast today, what is the system that you can start developing for yourself that move you intrinsically. What are things that do give you joy or motivate you to do that? And from what I've been hearing, part of that is your family, right? Your daughter, your husband and your dogs. So what can you build around them that can give you intrinsic motivators to make those to make those days work better, right? And that's something that's going to take a little time to think about and develop. And then I'm going to have to sit down and look at where I'm failing out in my distractions throughout the week, and put in some systems that will help me not get so pulled off track, or I create more work for myself because I get closer to due dates. I just, I would love to work on it an hour a day. You know what I mean? So well you can, there we go, out there. You can pick an hour. What are you guys gonna do? 10 minutes and five minutes too, right? It's not, doesn't have to be so big, is what I'm saying. Oh, that's true. Because I if an hour sounds like a lot when you're not doing anything, an hour just sounds like a lot, always to me, it really does, and it really isn't a lot, because we've just been talking for almost an hour. What have you guys put into place to help you with your task avoidance? Solve our problem or solve our problems. What are some of your task avoidances? And we can try and help you with that. Yes, all our problems first, tell us how to live our lives, and we'll solve all yours. But it's a lot easier to solve other people's problems than yours, so send us your problems. That's right, and thank you for listening to w, T H, ADHD, bye, you. This has been a high. It's me, ADHD production.